mom and grandma are in town. grandma wants to get drunk with you
there was already a condom in her . . and it was bigger than me
I just watched a girl use a tall boy Coors as a rolling pin to make christmas cookies
Dude, just be careful. Her invitation for BJ is just a trap for her to stick her finger up your ass.
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
My team for a project is gonna have weekly meetings at a bar. yessss. they will do all the work while i thor hammer down beers.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
Don't judge me 👊🏼 his dick just whispers my name
Is it sacrilegious to take tequila shots on Saint Patrick's day?
My prof handed me back my essay on Lesbians in literature, gave me an A and then we had sex in her office. Told you she was gay.
I have to close one eye, because I don't wanna see two movies, I only want to see one.
He bought me pizza and bourbon and played scrabble with me. So naturally I slept with him.
Randomize