and then you made a playlist that was just "party in the usa" on repeat...
U sang "shots, shots, shots" then walked 2 ur top drawer and threw socks everywhere singin "SOCKS, SOCKS, SOCKS!"
woke up at my desk with a paper in front of me that says "people stranded on islands love having wet dreams" what the fuck happened last night
I just saw a dude get out of an ambulance with nothing but wallabees on
No. untill you have done a puke that contains nothing but semen and tequila, you do not 'feel my pain'
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
He ran five blocks just to watch me and my best friend make out. I think he's a keeper.
I wonder if he has realized that I have poured all if those shots he bought into the tip jar
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
It felt as i were a pad of butter melting onto a piece of toast.
Not good... He ate my chips. Thats not a sex analogy for anything. My actual potato chips... gone. I lost on both ends.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
can we not speak foreign languages when I'm on drugs
Randomize
