I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
It is way too early in the summer for me to be coming into work still drunk.
Btw I'm currently writing a paper in a beer garden. Be proud.
Look on the bright side, one day you will get to tell your grandkids how grandpappy got roofied on his 21st and woke up in a for sale house missing his shoes
I feel like parents watching our children. You want to step in and help them but you just have to let them make their mistakes
I walked a mile in this weather wearing nothing but a toga. Zero fucks. Your move Mother Nature.
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
On a scale of 0 to Thanksgiving, there is no amount of food that fights against tequila.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
i just turned on my printer and found 10 pounds of german chocolate inside. i think i found where you hid your candy last night
Randomize
