new low.... made out with someone while peeing
we just made rock paper scissors into a drinking game
i DID NOT walk around with my knees bent and my hands behind my back with long spandex and underarmour pretending to be Apollo Ono
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
just heard a tri-delta girl talking about her drunken escapades last weekend...it's like the exact plotline to a hardcore porno.
You seriously need to keep doing my sexting for me. I just said something about "riding cock like a dick rodeo"
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
We fucked to techno music while he wore shin guards... best sex ever.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
The amount of precision it takes to urinate into a 2 liter bottle while hammered is undeniably difficult.
Any recommendations for how to tell your wife about the pics of her 19 yr old sister on a porn site without admitting you were surfing said porn site?
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
where are my pants?
in the oven.
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