Don't look now but I am in class with a mixed drink
Don't look now but my prof just asked me if I was drinking a screwdriver
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
what made you think it was a good idea to trust the girl that hides tequila in her backpack?
I just want to go some place where I can have a nice night. Grind on men who speak no English, make out with a girl, and not feel judged.
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
peeing on that welcome mat was like, the highlight of my week
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
I pretty much threw up on him while he slept, I had one task today which was to wash the sheets that I threw up on and I turned them pink. I would leave me if I could
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
I folded my dollar bills into mustaches in preparation for our trip to the strip club
I know I've become a responsible adult because this time, I'm not going to do the drugs I found on the ground
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
Randomize
