Currently standing on top of my parents leather couch with no pants on playing helicoptor with my penis. You?
Its really not funny anymore. I need to stop shaving while i'm drunk
herpes texted me again. he says he wants my vagina.
ok we should really consider changing this guys nickname...
Just remembered to take my BC at the liquor store. Just swallowed it with a free sample of Whiskey.
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
My mind hurts. I feel like I drank sand yesterday.
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
I can't tell if my bong is gender-neutral or not
some people waaaaait a lifetime for a hookuppp like this some people seeeearch forever for that one special handjobbb
Yo. What's your name again? You put "don't tell your landlord" as your name lol
I'm gonna have to kick a girl scouts ass...
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
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