I just lost $50 at the races, got drunk, and woke up to my ex-gf. Apparently the good decisions kept on rolling...
Just a heads up: The party is Fourth of July themed. Spread the word
dude its may
Work with me here, man.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I found your wallet in my underwear drawer......... Don't worry I don't plan on asking any questions
Don't look him in the eyes, it like looking at the sun but instead of burning your retinas it makes you wet and vulnerable
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
Fucking her was like skydiving commando in a flightsuit made of kittens
Your father is wrapped in a table cloth singing, "America Fuck Yeah!" You are missing the time of your life.
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
He smoked and I was tired so left before we did anything. I literally left him high and dry.
When your job has killed your spirit to the point that you don't want to flirt with the cute, tall guy at Enterprise
GIRL PLEASE. GO BACK AND POP THE TITTY OUT
I don't think you could pull off being mean.
How do you think I'm still single?
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
I went with vodka instead of tequila tonight so I make better decisions. Fool proof plan.
Randomize
