God I can't wait to have my phone textbombed every night
No, asshole. I'm not gay. But if I was I think I would do better than fucking Nick Lachey.
Coming down off exstacy at a church event. Resisting the urge to dance to the church hymns.
my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
dizzyuy bat. 3.453 lkos. hoit sx, now im single. blackouteed
She just fell in the river. Meet us downstream with the bottle.
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
My head feels like a nest made of hair and cum
No more jager for that guy. He jacked the neighbor kids big wheel, rode around making jet noises, then passed out behind the wheel and rolled it and broke his wrist
Brightest idea yet: lets drink enough at ladies-drink-free nights to make up for the cost of tampons. Breaking even on having vaginas!
Haha idk you were stealing pizza dough at dominos
skyped with him for 45 min in the bath while i shaved my legs. new level in the relashionship
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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