I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
you almost dropped the shot glass then you thought you were such a hard ass for catching it that you slammed it on the table and broke it
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
Jesus christ it's been two texts and we are already talking about dildos
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
WHEN YOU HAVE SEX WITH A GUY FROM A DIFFERENT COUNTRY YOURE SUPPOSED TO NEVER SEE THEM AGAIN
You are the best. Or certainly adequate for tempering my unholy desires.
That's the nicest thing you've ever said to me.
So what's the protocol on sending your exes new wife a baby shower gift that says "thanks for getting him the hell out of my life, please keep him there!"?
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
Randomize
