These 3 days between Christmas and new years when all the bosses are on vacation are essentially a competition to see who can do the least amount of work
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
I didn't mind getting the stomach flu from him. we had great sex AND I'm seven pounds lighter
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
At least it earned you a couple drinks. And something tells me you've touched grosser things with less incentive.
We really need to check into harvesting part of our liver now
i wasn't going to tell her about the threesome but i had to explain the tree and the green paint everywhere
We were debating whether rain water is clean enough to drink. I won when he started throwing up.
He only had napkins in the bathroom... no toilet paper. If I fuck him, am I settling?
Ummm Im the uneducated alcoholic of the group... if I say its a bad idea, its probably a bad idea.
We all just did coke and we're coloring so if you're sober its pointless for you to come over here
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
I just learned how to imitate a trains smokestack. The downside is it makes you look like you ate cocaine. The upside is YOU LOOK LIKE A TRAIN
Nothing like introducing yourself to your high school boyfriend's wife as "the girl who took his virginity"
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
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