for halloween i should be pregnant. what is scarier than that?!
if you can see her tanning goggle line that's officially a deal breaker
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Just saying. If you end up in canada tomorrow morning at least youll have my text to remind you how it happened
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
pretend your vagina is a choco taco and the guy is someone who really loves choco tacos. let him enjoy the choco taco.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
Totally forgot I asked the cop for a theoretical fist bump and he still let me drive away
Pretty much just farted directly in a baby's mouth on the subway
One of my life goals was never to see an uncircumcised dick. I guess that's out the window now.
This is a question I thought I'd never have to ask. How many hits of acid did you give your dad tonight?
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
I want you to worship my cock.
That's not how you start a conversation.
Randomize