Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
My mom just used the words "ice cunt". It may be an interesting day afterall.
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
Still borderline I believe. As bad as this sounds, I feel God owes me one here and should not let his grandmother die till after my birthday
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
there's chocolate cake in my bathtub.. I don't even want to know how the hell chocolate cake wound up in my tub..
Pretending to leave a voicemail when the person answers the phone....that's gotta be drunk dial level 99
Learn from me. When going to a booty call do not wear a belly shirt. Nothing says shame like a belly shirt at 7am.
When we were texting for those few weeks, I some how established a crush on you. And its weird and wild and stupid and silly. But these things just have to be said sometimes to determine what's real and what is infatuation. And to suffer the consequences of five am drunk philosophy. No regrets.
He said his fantasy involved both of us fucking while stuffed into the same overalls
He was telling me how he was trying to grow up. And then 2 minutes later, he told me he was tripping on lsd for the first time.
I don't want to sleep with any other woman but you but I want to try this whole mother daughter thing that would be nuts
According to my bank account I spent a penny some where
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