I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
When the moon hits your eye like a big pizza pie, you're a dumbass
these marshmallows taste like mayonnaise. like playing tetris on a gameboy, that's what these marshmallows mean.
We ended up getting arrested after we flagged down the cops for a ride home with open beers in our hands... turns out the "nobody told me" excuse doesn't cut it anymore
Afraid I'm about to get arrested. Complicated situation but not a joke. If I do not text again that all is clear within 90 minutes kindly begin bail process. I have the cash to repay as soon as I get home. Details later.
Sorry for screaming that you were an apple in spanish at the bar last night, that was the wine talking
Note to self: don't tell your girlfriends dad you can have his daughter in bed by ten and home by midnight. He doesnt find it funny
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
If a baby can come out of it, so can four raquetballs.
As Scar once said. Be prepared! For the shit show of what's coming tonight
My life has come to reading articles about dating an ex heroin addict. I'm doing well.
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
At one point in the night, as we were running from the cops, I clearly remember you yelling "little gnomes are tickling the insides of my body!" ...that high.
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Randomize
