so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
How am I suppose to look him in the face when I know a commercial lasts longer than he does?
Just had to have the guy at Sprint clear the dried cum out of the trackball on my Blackberry. Wonder if that happens to him often.
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
You drew a lightning bolt on your eye and stomach in eye liner and made me sing Poker face with you in harmonies. I never knew you were still a music major when you were drunk.
he just wrote my ten page research paper for tit pics. i love my boobs.
Just had a drunken guest at my hotel threaten to "throw a fuckin fireball at my face"
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
My penis has a 100% approval rating. He has never received a formal complaint. If you'd like to file one, you can go fuck yourself.
His morals are debatable, but his heart or perhaps his penis is in the right place.
His penis is crooked. Right place? Maybe he starts there, but then he slants.
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
He kept sending me videos of his dogs while I was trying to masturbate. At what point does getting vagina-block apply?
I've been really sick the past 4 days. Last night, I actually turned down a bj. I may be dying.
Having Father’s Day on Pride weekend is always so awkward. “Hey dad just calling to say I love you.” While I’m navigating my way through a pop up pool at a bar riding a penis floatie. Happy Father’s Day.
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