He told me something must be wrong, because no one had seen my boobs yet
woke up with the dennys waiters MYSPACE link on the back of my receipt...yep one of those nights
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I guess I was trying to make a cheese sandwich, I had to change my sheets cuz I slept on it and the cheese melted all over me, Dave, and my bed
He was spooning with the dog when I came home. Now shes afriad to go near him. Should I ask?
We need to drink more. Just think how awesome it would be to wake up in a trailer and NOT remember how wee got here.
OMG. Dad just threw a 100 dollar bill down on the table for a girl to lift her shirt. I think he was kidding, but...
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
It's election day and I was just tied up with an American flag scarf
The pee I just pissed was about 7% better than the one at your house. But both are pretty far up there.
Sooooooo Your wife and your girlfriend are making cat noises at one another via text
Apparently when cookies are around I think of myself as a puppy and reward myself for everything #WhoIsAGoodBoy
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