i wore my purity necklace wen we fucked. but its ok cuz simplified was blasting in the background
hahahaha. im glad listening to simplified justifies breaking ur promise to god
He wouldnt get hard, then started talking about his ex wife. I literally rolled over and started to cry
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
Dear vodka that I hid in a water bottle in the backseat of Blairs car, I'm sorry that she gave you away to a man on side of the road with an over heated engine. I'm sure the car doesn't appreciate you as much as I would have.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
the girl next to me was drawing sonic the hedgehog on her exam what the fuck
godspeed
well tomorrow I get to eat fungus and go to an abandoned city.
most people would fear that statement, but i wish to join you
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