No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
just fyi, hangover + ice skates = really bad idea
Its officially tradition: I black out every year on michael jackson's death day..
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Looking for things to spread butter on. Found men's briefs in garbage can. Lost insurance card. Summer has finally arrived
He deleted all his profile pics with her. It was like the bat signal for single women everywhere.
Pretty sure I scared him off for good. The lesbian in me is ecstatic.
And I can say one thing, I look pretty good in high wasted pants. I don't know if that helps. But I do. God I'm high.
We did a lot of coke and Bedazzled the couch. It seemed like a good idea at the time.
The look on the dr's face when she asked me the last time i had sex and i responded "like an hour and a half ago" ... priceless
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
I'm now using my vagina for good, not evil. Trying to restore balance to the force.
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
Randomize
