I won a flip cup tournbment! Why is boot and rally so hard when youre old?
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
We haven't even started dating yet but I already decided I'm going to cheat on her
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You demanded I give you a glass of water, so I set it down in front of you and you knock it over and roll in it..,
I wanted to be a dolphin.
I don't know if it was his cologne or his Jesus hair, but he was much more fuckable than last time I saw him.
Now that I think about it, it may have been the 6 pitchers of beer.
Come on Nikki god gave you a vagina for a reason, so you could tell guys what kind of shots to buy you
He's like Medusa, you can't look directly into his eyes or you'll turn into a slut.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Dude, you got arrested and then texted 911 to tell them you'd been kidnapped with a screenshot of your current location.
do you remember your solution to not spill your drinks last night? .. Shots, that way you wouldnt have time to spill them. i love your drunken logic haha
I'm sorry, that really sucks. I'm in the bath eating lasagna and if anyone comes in here it's going to be bad news for them
Oh you know just explaining sexual consent to a drunk 80 year old man. How is this my life?
Randomize
