Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
I remember your 21st ending with me driving you home while you insisted making bicycle signals out the car window.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
she wants to wait til the kids are asleep so im just shotgunning the parents beers in the pillow fort. I love fucking babysitters
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
I'm about to play another round of who's panties are in my car.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I blame everything on you. My broken heart, my fucked up liver and my twisted mind.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
I have a mild substance abuse problem, but I'm still a functioning member of society. America.
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