turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
96 perecent sure i just took a shower with socks
I am full of burrito and curiosity
So, apparently I made everyone omelets last night. Even when I'm drunk, I'm still a trophy wife.
Fucked her within an inch of her life. Seriously. Don't choke bitches when they ask. Was way too drunk to be pulling that shit.
his mom found me in the closet hiding and the only thing i could think of was to sit there and wave.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Is it sad that I just used my electrical knowledge to not only fix but improve my vibrator?
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
The worst thing about it is now I have to find someone else to fuck in the library.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
I have to masturbate tonight while watching every Paul Walker movie ever made. It's what he would have wanted. RIP Paul.
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm rolling and just noticed that the thread count on these sheets is horrendous.
Randomize
