He broke up with me by playing Lynyrd Skynyrd "Free Bird".
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
time to smoke my breakfast
You dont ever try to use your dick as a power washer to get bits of poop of the toilet bowl?
I like to think that tonight was Jesus punishing James Cameron for his role in popularizing "My Heart Will Go On."
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
I saw a kitty kat get finger blasted on the couch by a Bulls player
I just got high off one hit and the. Spent 20 minutes inspecting the gasket of our refridgerator and researching ways to replace it
IM AT A ROOFTOP FUNDRAISER LOOKING OVER THE WHITE HOUSE I WILL NOT RUIN MYSELF
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
It's not safe here. I had urgent and violent diarrhea last night, and I got blackout drunk. Please don't come over.
Can I just go to one establishment in which I haven't banged anyone ?
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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