The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
She had just swallowed, of course i didnt kiss her goodbye
Wasn't she moving abroad?
Are you really going to debate this?
i'm at a party where swedish girls are dumping laundry detergent on each other because it glows in blacklight. this is awesome
he mailed me a thank you note for the blowjob.
My tally is now official: I have been drunk every weekend since 2008. Cheers.
he had two deer mounted on his dorm room wall with panties and bras hanging from the antlers... i cant believe i contributed to bambi's headgear...
I said make yourselves at home, not to put a used condom on my ceiling fan.
well right now he's telling us a story how he befriended a racoon
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I could run a drunk marathon in heels
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
I literally just ordered a gold medal online that is engraved with his name, "01.01.16", and "BEST SEX EVER"
Randomize
