Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
There's a man in a pair of gray footie pajamas and a paper crown watching the kids at the playground. It was easier to tell who was a pedophile before Where the Wild Things Are came out.
they just did a mariachi cover of free bird
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Just pissed in my own closet. Had no idea adult dinner parties could he so awesome.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
We both got free alcohol and got laid by foreign men last night.
I'm not going out again for the rest of my life. I can't top this.
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Just looked for hours for the remote. Found it in my purse. I need to drink less.
I didn't have cash to pay cover at the bar, so I traded the bouncer a Krispy Kreme doughnut i had in my purse
i warned you not to do dabs 20 minutes before graduation. You never listen
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
