I jusy said out loud "gingers unite in the middle of the night"
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
Sitting in class thinking wow im glad im not hungover...and then i realized im still drunk.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
OH MY GOD MY GRANDMA JUST SHOWED ME HER BOOB OH. MY. GOD.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
Yepp, I had to be the one to explain that the girl who was slapping people in the face with a dildo was my drunk girlfriend.
So apparently I initiate sex in my sleep
THERE IS WEED IN MY OVEN. HOW AM I EVER SUPPOSED TO MAKE CHICKEN PARMESAN WITH WEED IN MY OVEN.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
I'm more than my video games and dildo collection
Mom is so high she had to turn off the ceiling fan because it was going too fast and it freaked her out.
Dude, you were so drunk you were hanging from the ceiling of my car pretending you were a sloth while we were on 81.
Randomize
