he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
she screamed"i told you already! counter clockwise spiral and the clockwise spiral!!" right in the middle of sex
wow, i never thought dating a choreographer would be so harsh
it's like heaven, but drunker
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
I drunk dialed my ex-boyfriend last night. He was sitting next to my new boyfriend. Shoot me in the face.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
This chick just walked by and pet my beard. Don't know, never talked to her. She just walked by and pet my beard.
Marry her
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
You made me take you back to Mcdonalds so you could yell at the guy for not giving you enough ketchup packets
I vaguely recall french fries...
You then proceeded to call your mom and tell her you weren't coming home because you were "tripping balls"
Sweet...
Randomize
