Screwed.edu
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
i just hate vaginas for liking penis's insside them
I am not speculating about which disney princesses do and do not have gag reflexes
She's clinging to me like a horny koala.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I'm sorry I did drugs then got really loud and bitchy at your party and judged your choice in one night stands.
Just walked into the library with a case of Strawberitas in hand.. no one said a word.. I think they were just impressed I knew where the library was
There must be a happy medium universe where you get it on with my girlfriend enough to cause me pain but not a full on cardiac arrest. It's a fine line to tread though.
He convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. He slurred every word. I think I found my prince charming.
He follows more cats on Instagram then he does girls.. That's how you know your boyfriend is whipped.
Today is National Blunt Day in the Great State of Me. Come ovah
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
Randomize
