We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
We left an ass print on the piano.
My roommate made me a peanut butter and sprinkles sandwich. Maybe tonight isn't that bad
LOVE ME LIKE A KANGARO LOVES A POUCH YOU DUMB CUNT
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
I just had the most intense bikini wax of my life, i felt like i needed guardrails
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
Yeah, first date. First take a pic of him to circulate around for your friends and than have him fill out a short penis questionnaire. Seems completely legit to me.
They put me in room 420 every time and I take bubble baths and smoke in the room and they bring food TO MY BED
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
What made you think singing Silent Night while I was puking was a good idea?!?!
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Honestly, I am sitting in my room watching Ciara videos and thinking I am super jealous of how she rides it.
How was it?
Incredible. Everyone in the world should be having the kind of sex I've been having.
He should write a pamphlet or something...
Randomize
