the couple across the street's about to bang. go get the popcorn and come join us.
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
So, I found out he was eating a jolly rancher while eating me out.. Hence the yeast infection.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
After you verbally abused the McDonalds employee for not making your fries fast enough, the fact that you woke up on a random lawn does not surprise me.
You leave me no choice. Your vagina is grounded. It can just sit there and think about what it's done.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
He had a joint rolled for us when he picked me up. It's how ASU does romance
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
I am sorry. I am also on acid.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I legitimately just had to leave work because I am too hungover. The front office ladies keep making fun of me.
Randomize
