just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Just tried to fight the dj at cowboys because he would'nt play freebird. Pick me up now.
you're thinking of things to pack this weekend and you think Don King wig?
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
It's one of those mornings when I woke up thinking that i really shouldn't have hooked up with my ex boyfriend's girlfriend just to prove a point.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
You might have crossed the line by jerking off while she was in the bathroom taking a prego test. Just saying
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
He said that I started crying after sex because he was leaving to go back to Europe after the semester was over and I wouldn't see his dick anymore. This is why I need to stop hooking up with the exchange students.
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
So is seeing the guy's penis that I'm talking to something you're into or nah?
By the way I can not feel my vagina. It's like it's asleep. What the hell did you do?
Sorry about you walking in on the whole nude kinect dancing. The new roomie was drunk and naked and told us he was either over dressed or we were under dressed for the party. And Amy figured it would be easier to join him than it would be to dress him
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Randomize
