An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So does it count as really great road-head if he ran over 3 mailboxes before realizing he was off the road?
Alright. I will breast feed the first person to get here.
I want him to rain dance my fallopian tubes.
It's home.......I'm going to the store in disguise to get skittles and cake frosting. Then I'll eat the frosting in a dark corner while I cry and wonder what I did to deserve this.
The kid across the hall found me in the hallway using a hot pocket box as a pillow. I said its okay I live here.
I must have some kind of deep rooted instinct that tells me when a boys virginity needs to be taken.
What wine did you feed Jack? Might not want to waste the good stuff on kitties. Kitties only get box wine.
An don't say it's "personal preference" cause I don't buy it. I just want to have normal cool guy balls. I don't want to be the dude that's still rocking the equivalent of the "mid 90's bowl cut" of scrotum haircuts.
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
You can fuck right off with that, "If the earthquake isnt bigger than 5.0, we native Californians dont get out of bed." I am from Chicago. I can handle freak flash floods, polar vortexes and tornados. But my bed violently shaking at 6:30 in the morning is cause for some understandable concern.
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
By chance and just chance did you find a cock ring? By chance
My manager caught me going taking a nap in an empty room. Apparently she sleeps there too.
Randomize
