In the car with my brother. His CD went from 2pac to Taylor Swift. I'm concerned. It wasn't a mistake, he knows all the words.
We were making out in the bushes when some dude comes and starts peeing beside us.
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
i just missed the spain goal because i was puking in the bathroom. damn you open bar.
Between the dance party in the car and the distraction of the momma bear and two cubs im a cops wet dream roght now when comes to wreckless driving.
Baked and hanging out with Al from Home Improvement's son. You can't make this shit up. Tuh-rippin balls
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
my whole wardrobe smells like substance abuse
Looks like he unfriended you too. I feel like we were both just handed negative pregnancy tests.
Sigh. I haven't seen a dick since August 22nd. And in case you forgot, it's January.
Here's an unsolicited pic of my tits, because you almost died last night.
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
getting my period the day i moved was my bodies way of saying 'congratulations youre not leaving town with anybodies babies!'
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