please pick me up with an explanation of why i shacked in a trailer with a guy who doesnt have a car.
Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
I just put a picture of what I imagine Rob's dick looks like on it on my vision board. thank you Oprah!
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
You then began crawling around in the grass with a magnifying class saying you were searching for the magic school bus.
Rooting for you and your team in the Beer Olympics this afternoon...! Love you, Mom
ya, but you'll graduate college with a higher education. I'm looking at at least two addictions, an abortion, and a few weeks jail time.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
I woke up with like grass burns all over my body, i'm pretty sure i made out with someone under a bus. . . but i'm not sure
Listen, everyone has a price and mine is free taco bell.
You know, we cock-blocked like 5 people last night. It's like we're her vagina goalies
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
The only person more miserably hungover from the party is the dog, and that's because he ate some balloons
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
Randomize
