ur dog is so gonna tell on us one day.
for doing what?
for smoking bowls out on the deck while your parents aren't home.
everyone knows that carl winslow was the sexiest man in die hard.
I just said that Oprah is crazy and like 5 fat white girls jumped down my throat. I sat back and smiled.
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
I'm drinking with 3 chicks and 1 gay dude. 100% chance I'm getting laid and 75% chance I'll enjoy it.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Well at least you learned that cops don't like when you call them frenchy. Nice dive over the fence by the way.
Karaoke machines out. We're taking turns farting into the microphone. Shits going south fast. Definitely be awake when you get home.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
Ugh a 13 year old just asked me why people drink, I had to explain it without making it sound good. I need a drink.
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
I hope so much that you got average or above average dick tonight because I wish you the best
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Randomize
