You think if I promise to behave for the rest of my life, god will let me fuck her on the regular?
I don't apprectiate you insinuating that my breasts have a sort of bremuda triangle effect
sitting next to michael phelps in the airport. wonder if he's carrying...
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
I woke up with flowers, a tiara & pasta salad in my bed. Tequila makes me act like a fat Disney princess
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
apparently my buddy was fucking on our couch downstairs so i decided it was necessary to walk downstairs naked in a hockey mask.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
No. Way more drunk than the night I put a snowball in my purse "for later" and woke up to find everything soaking the next day.
But less drunk than the day that Pete took four of your birth control pills thinking they were Advil, right?
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
I'm not big on drama but you need to put your pants on and leave.
Randomize
