Yeah, it was perfect until the end. Apparently women are super attracted to me until the sleeping with part.
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
he told me not to treat him like a child and then started peeing off the trampoline
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
You were great dude. You wanted to charge the guy with fedora $100 to get in.
Apparently we stole a dog last night. I woke up and it was just staring at me. But we fed it left over KFC for breakfast so it's cool.
I never thought the most recent texts on my phone would be with ASAP ferg and my ex...
How'd your Tinder date go?
Well, I met his girlfriend...
Okay so I've been talking to the mice again and they agree with me that you're a piece of shit.
Just had a reminder come up that just said "Ham"
is it fun? or sober?
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
Wearing panties to a party gives you a whole new perspective on life.
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