why didn't you poke me back
I'll collect that couch/porn sloopy beedge tomorrow just FYI
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
If you don't sleep with him after showing him your thong with the bow, I am no longer on your side.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
We saw a kid playing in poison ivy. We walked away, he'll learn his lesson.
I totally just friend requested the girl I met in jail last night so that I could give her back the sunglasses she lent me upon our release. See, I'm not a total delinquent.
Brought him brownies before taking his pants off. I'm like the Martha fucking Stewart of booty calls. Walk of shame be damned.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
Holy shit dude........stairs
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
operation Bang Australian Boy = oh so successful
Randomize
