You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I blew a .224 after sleeping for 6 hrs, cleary im a champion
I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
he found my favorite bra, 3 thongs and a pair of jeans and gave them back. i love move out day.
Were making a bet for which twin will relapse while in rehab. I'm going for the chubbier one
So, how do I go about conveying: I'm sorry, yet very glad she is having my abortion. Via text msg?
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
The Vegas crew is in two groups, Team Vodka and Team Fireball. There is no winner in this.
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
Im dating a 38 year old who's lap I can fit in. Tell me I don't have daddy issues.
"can of pringles" is totally a legitimate measure of time
I was giving a campus tour, when a drunk senior came up behind me and shouted at the group, "If Jesus ain't your homeboy - get the fuck off this campus!" Looks like his religion course is paying off...
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
Randomize
