She has a t-rex face on a stuart little body.
The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
He is either going to be in my pants or get a restraining order against me.
Yeudjkisdjxbfceryuj. i love having a qwerty keyboard just so i can do that.
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
It's no longer hooking up, we have definitely graduated to Sport Fucking....
EMERGENCY FRIEND CRISIS: WE HAVE TOO MUCH WHISKEY. ABORT HANGING OUT WITH MELISSA, RECOMMEND TO HANG OUT WITH OUR WHISKEY INSTEAD
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Just sent my mother the text "we need to get our vaginas looked at this thursday". Hows your day going?
Why did I ever allow that penis to enter my sacred temple?
there is something very satisfying about getting tacos after hours of sex.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
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