the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
and he's drinking a bud lime in his profile pic meaning i can out drink him, meaning i would clearly be the alpha in our relationship
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
Think I pulled my pelvic muscle.
I think I pulled my ashamed of myself muscle.
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
the old man that you threw the shoe at says "hi" and many rude words...
I am sufficiently unimpressed with the options available to my freshly shaved self tonight.
I have a cat for love and a booty call for sex. What else could I need?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
Randomize