Just took my first sake bomb. I love japan
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
I got shot at today. If that doesn't get me at least a blow job I give up working on the south side
I cant be sure, but i think ive been drunk in this church before.
Found trail of ibuprofen on ground. I'm like the intervention version of e.t.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
It's like a toaster oven for my penis
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Guess who just hooked up with a guy who was wearing a shirt from his mom's "dress up closet"?!
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
just woke up on the floor with a bottle in my hand. and by bottle, i mean a baby bottle. half filled with tequila.
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
