I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
he was fingering me to the beat of a lady gaga song. new high? new low? i don know, but i came, so whatever.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
I don't know what's more pathetic, the fact that you dated him or the fact that it took a Taylor Swift song for you to break up with him.
How the fuck did I get small bruises all over my body?
Well you were laying on the couch naked after the girls left, staring into space, and I went over to the pool table and threw every ball as hard as I could at you from point blank range . You didn't flinch, blink, or scream for any of them. next time maybe you won't fuck my girl while I'm taking a shit
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
If you would give me the chance we might have the two separate pieces of the greatest fuck puzzle ever.
I only put bad things in my body...jack, caffeine, chocolate, pills, and rich's cock. It's like being holistic but exactly opposite
Dude I walked in to my house just to be handed a bottle of vodka by my sister. She then said i had 15 minutes to finish it. Moving into my parents place is the best choice I have made this year.
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
Just bought weed from the ice cream man. The kid in front of me got a tootie fruitie.
LOOK AT MY ASS AND LEGS IN THIS SKIRT. I KNOW ALL THE BEST HIDING SPOTS IN THIS BUILDING. AND I OFFER TEQUILA.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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