NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
she went apple picking. why dont we do cute things like that? let's go to a pumpkin patch!
because we're not cute. we're sluts. and sluts don't go apple picking.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
I can't even type what I drank. I'll throw up
All I've had today is a brownie and a shot of Jack, so you know. I'm doing ok.
I just told him he had gained a new brother. He immediately knew I meant the eskimo kind.
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
All I see when I think of you are dancing penis angels around your head.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
Let's knock shit down like godzilla and have intense sex in the rubble
I'm high. ignore me
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
Randomize
