he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
swears the blind dude on this train is faking. Every day he stumbles and falls into a different girl's lap and then has to grab her tits to steady himself.
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
As long as there aren't any pictures of me humping the penguin, we are good,
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
We were trying to sober you with hotdog buns but you refused put half of it in your bra and said you'd save it for later
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
Excellent idea. Nothing says "congrats for resurrecting yourself, Jesus" like Greygoose at noon!
Please tell me last night did not happen and there is another reason why my phone smells like ranch sauce ahahah
Nobody knows who they are, but they have an ice luge so they are welcome in my book
Is it inappropriate to be Drs. Willy Fister and Jess Hewill as a couples costume for Halloween?
Oh we're gynecologists
This is not my bathroom and these are not my pants
I'm currently in h&m wondering "what exactly is the class level of a swingers resort?"
He offered me free drinks all night if I could beat him in a drinking race. I blacked out after that but just found his credit card in my bra so there's that.
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