A squiggle pen was my first vibrator back when I was young. I would lock myself in my bedroom with that thing. Oh to be 8 again.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Buying $100 worth of beef jerkey sounded like a terrific idea last night.
Hey guys, just to let you know, I have a boyfriend...so that hookup was kind of a one time thing.
was that a mass text??
the last thing i remember was trying to convince him to call over his girlfriend so we could have a threesome
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
Um I just overheard that the new guy spent a month in jail. Obvi another great hire.
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
Sometimes turtles just really trip me out man
So tomorrow I have my performance review with my boss who I banged. When I go in should I ask if this review will be rating my sex or work performance?
Finally liberated my Star Trek DVD from my booty call's house. Captain Kirk would be so proud.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
I'm on the couch watching HGTV googling giant boob Halloween costumes so life is swell
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
