I'm on that like soy sauce on rice
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
I saved him in my fone as special pumba. he was just pumba but then he found me drugs
she was stuffing dove chocolates in my mouth while giving me a blow job. GOD I LOVE VALENTINES DAY
So after I pop out this baby we need to just go on a monthlong coke binge so I can get skinny again before vegas
And then he tried to clean the throw up off my pants with 409
Come over. I'll eat you out and we'll make bacon.
best text I've received ever.
You yelled "I gave my neighbor some of my bitch sauce" and then passed out. You now have drinking limits with us.
Walked in the bathroom at work and my boss was taking a shit with the stall wide open and responded "oh yeah, I forgot you never have been to prison "
You asked me what the point was. Told me your were dying alone and then had me take you and Wendy's where you bought 3 meals and ate them in about 10 minutes saying you didn't care if you got fat...
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Like I'm not tryna become president or marry a doctor or some shit here, like one level above garbage is all I'm asking for
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
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