i feel like the prize bull at the rodeo. everybody got a ride, no one lasted more than 8 seconds and i'm pretty sure i kicked one of them in the ball sack
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Currently in the bathroom stall of a gay bar in new haven giving myself an anti throw up pep talk
All I remember is this kid kept saying that he has a dream that white kids and black kids can take shots together as one, and just we'd keep drinking to that.
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
I feel like getting drunk at the airport is sort of a rite of passage into adulthood, but maybe i should reserve that occasion for a flight thats not just 1 hr
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
Some girl took her panties off, soaked them in vodka and wrung them out into a line of guys' mouths! Awesome!
No, NOT awesome. Where the fuck do you go drinking!?!
AND I NEED A VIKING FUNERAL OR MY GHOST ASS WILL SAUNTER ON OVER AND CASTRATE HIM FOR TECHNICALLY MURDERING ME
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
You peed on a flamingo?!?
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