textsfromlastnight.com keeps rejecting me
that alone proves you never get laid, nor have a life.. or have anything funny to contribute to the world.
Ah why did you tell everyone you dragged your sac across my face!
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
He was awful. Hubby's was apparently epic. I suck at swinging.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Matt is trying to convince me that we have a deal where if I show him my tits he won't do cocaine. Apparently we shook hands on it?
I woke up with a pillow, shampoo and a plant in my fridge. Eggs in the toilet, and I was wearing three pairs of girls underwear. What happened last night
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
