I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just threw up on my desk at work. They are making me go home.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
Lost my virginity dressed as catwoman. He was dressed as batman. Glad I waited.
So I told him it takes a lot to get me drunk & he said he was the heavyweight champion in college. We high-fived. Obviously I'm the favorite child.
I'm drinking and working out! I'm bench pressing the beer pong table and doing push ups and lifting the chair.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
He said he cried as he watched porn yesterday; I'd say he's taking the break-up pretty bad....
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
i think im in europe. pls send help
Sorry I called bc I needed help peeing outside
But I did it
i just woke up, first off why is there pineapple everywhere and who's underwear is on my ceiling fan ?
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