I just want to get to the point in our relationship where I can get on top of her and fart and we can both laugh...not just me.
just watched paranormal activity stoned. laughed the whole time and screamed when they turned on the lights. eating doritos. I love my life
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
Started with us just having a beer. Now Ivan lit a torch to walk to the store, Ben smashed a 26 in the parking lot, and they're throwing broken shot glasses. Fratio Friday is something.
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Come out Saturday. It's for my lesbian daughter from the future birthday.
I just shit a hot coal. Pretty sure it's that fireball shot from yesterday.
Then that means he's outwardly conservative. Inwardly he's a total gay horndog. He's like a spy that can ruin conservative plans.
I want to change all my life goals to that.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I have shit my pants twice this week. #adulthood
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
you woke me up at 1am last night high on cough syrup to tell me jay z was an idiot for cheating on beyonce
you thought the best thing to say to him was "you aint no fuckin cop"
I miss painting strippers for Christmas. Holidays not the same without glitter and body paint
I'll be your substitute stripper tonight.
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