Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
You said, "can you make out with him for a little bit, I need a break."
Min and u sung xhionubjs. Cause that's what u kiij like a xhionunk
I tried to tell him I love him but it came out something like "We're both fucked up and it works."
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
I am drinking green tea.... My liver is in shock
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
I just put on underwear fresh outta the dryer and it's like tiny Angels are giving them warm supportive hugs all over
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
Adulthood is putting your bongs in the dishwasher because you're too lazy to clean them manually.
Are you ok dude?
Randomize
