just a forewarning-if you come home and hang out with your stupid girlfriend the entire time that you are here/fail to get wasted with us i will wish either death upon you or that you truly do turn gay when you return to the navy.
Hangovers were designed by God when he decided that so far he had taken it WAY TOO EASY on me.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
Remember when you tried to pay that stripper to cry on stage?
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I don't think anybody else enjoys making out with multiple guys on the same night as much as I do. I'm like a wine taster but with lips... it's like art to me. The bruise on my upper lip is proof of it
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
I've finally given up enough on finals week to wear the same shirt three days in a row, because I didn't take my hoodie off for the first two.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
Is it too much to ask for 10 minutes of privacy while I masturbate?
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
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