I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
Kid sitting next to me smells like he slept in a dutch oven full of farts. Going to die.
Trust me at the end of the night there will be queso smothered places you didn't think it could be smothered
This hobo said he can't buy alcohol bc he got in trouble bc a girl sat on his face when he was passed out and misaligned his spine and gave him Alzheimer's so Ali is buying him a bottle. This is Vegas.
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
You're his holy grail. The moment he finally gets you to orgasm he'll probably just retire and become a monk.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Currently doing the walk of shame out of some random girls house with my boyfriend. Talk about relationship goals.
Note to self: I can rip apart her vagina and she'll still cuddle with me, but if I steal her Chapstick she'll murder me !?
Randomize
