We succumbed to passion, and then he had to go meet his girlfriend. End of story.
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
Oh I forgot to tell you one of the little boys in my preschool class was wearing a Hooters tank top today.
Only in this snowstorm did have I realized the lengths I'll go to to get laid.
Doing lines of cocaine in the bathroom and the word 'better' do not belong in the same sentence.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
I never thought the first time a taser would be used on me would be at an applebees
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
I've never felt more disgusting in my life. And I'm including the time I snuggled that homeless woman in the puddle of my whiskey vomit.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
I'm just going to eat my milkshake, watch teen wolf, masturbate, and lament my inability to form meaningful relations with men who aren't gay
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just spent 45 minutes and a really well-put together Power Point trying to convince her to use my dog as baby Jesus in her church's play.
Randomize
