a dead guy is trying to sell me oxy clean on my tv
Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
I just got a 45 minute blow job...she literally sucked the single life outta me.
u sound so gay right now
So for a second i just thought clitoris was a disease.
You were doing downward dog and puking off my deck at the same time.
Just so we're clear this time around: This is dinner with my FAMILY. Not an opportunity for you to drink too much, and use the word "dick-thumpin" in casual conversation.
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
It was kicking off big time until you crawled out the bar on your hands and knees. Nobody wanted to mess with that.
We're over by the bouncy castles. I'm the one wearing a baby. Bring Twizzlers.
I noticed while having sex on Friday that I have great endurance. CrossFit works.
Our first time hooking up was on New Years and we've managed to hook up every holiday since, I'm hoping this lasts until 2016 just to fulfill my American Holiday sex fantasy I never knew I had
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
Randomize
