And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
DO NOT FUCK HIM ON MY BEAN BAG CHAIR
he's from indiana, of course he's clueless about "g-spots"
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
He offered me a 30 pack if I don't bring her to the party. Am I a bad friend If I take his offer?
I took my pants off in the cab and tried to bite his ear. Not going oout for awhile
yeah except there is a correlation between drinking moonshine and going blind, which kind of concerns me
There's a middle eastern man wearing a cow costume with tequila coming out of his udders, but I'm not sober enough to feel uncomfortable with it.
Had to go see my sisters new baby this morn in the clothes I wore to the rave last night. Still drunk. Almost dropped it. I'll be a good aunt right?
It was close. I was the girl scoping out where all the garbage cans were located in the class just in case.
This is why you don't heavily drink before 2 midterms.
It's sitting in bleach right now. You will be the creepiest coolest dude in my book if you made a bracelet from my tooth.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
I only live four blocks from the bar but when you're hammered this walk feels like the journey through Mordor.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
