i need an iv and a liver transplant
Do you think there is vodka in heaven?
you let me eat a milky way from your vagina. G is not lettin you hang out for eternity
i got a mint flavored condom from wellness day...im kind of tempted to taste it
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
He was singing Justin Beiber while we did it. I love secure Spanish men
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
I found her in the trunk, smoking a cigarette, saying every girl should know how to get out of their trunk
We could supplement the Tour with Edward Andre-hands. Because 40s are for the 99%.
I tried to interpretive dance to Candy Shop to stop the awkwardness.
Just jerked off with bubble wrap. Not as awesome as it sounds.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
boys just don't understand what they're missing out on.
he's missing out on my boobs looking marvelous this evening.
All I recall is being at the strip club doing dark rum shots and then puking a question mark on the wall above the garbage can in the men's room and having diarrhea in the sink. 6th drunkest I've ever been without blacking out.
Randomize
