i'm officially boycotting relationships. hello random hook ups and treating men like meat.
One thing i hate about playoff baseball: George Lopez
just found glitter in my belly button...seriously when will this nightmare end
I enjoyed our heart to heart in the trunk on the way to the stripclub
with a cock that big I don't even care that he makes a convincing drag queen
I thought my life was going to shit but then I read about Amanda Bynes and I realize it's not so bad
She had a glow in the dark pastie on her forehead the last time I saw her. That should help you find her.
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I just fucked her in the corner of an ally while holding a large pizza waiting on a pledge for a ride.
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Cops swarmed my car last night in the walmart parking lot cause of the paper plate
My ex's sister asked me to be her date to Thanksgiving. Should I go?
Threesome!
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