There's a dildo in the cheerios box here...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
Passed out in a rocking chair on her porch. Woke up to the tow truck taking away my car.
Was last night real? Did I lick your forehead while you laid in between my legs while we laid next to your boyfriend?
Just called a girl a cunt over peanuts. I think we both know it wasn't just about the peanuts.
He is peeing inside and sticking up for himself. Those are two of the four signs of the apocalypse.
Well. I guess talking about me stealing your wife may not be in the list of legit conversations
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
Randomize
