$3 wine plus diet sprite does not make good champagne.
does taste better than andre tho
I convinced a girl to do a shot of salsa someone fell through the whole on the porch and Sara swallowed a beer tab
A friday night jus isn't the same if the cops don't raid my dorm
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Dan marino should def buy this ambulance. But not this one. I'm gonna fuck this ambulance up
After we were finished she said "That was like marriage sex". Should I take that as a compliment or insult?
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
It's gay pride weekend and Father's day.. So in honor of the occassions I am now BI
Another reason why I like dubstep now, it makes me feel even higher than I already am.
Im gonna take a shit then figure out how to be better at basketball
I plan on just grabbing someone's dick if I have to. They will know what's up. Why else do you go to a bar alone on valentines day?
Oh and an honorable mention for your father's porn collection. Things I'll never forget.
I'm going through what feels like a break up with beer. I'm emotionally distraught from it's lack of presence.
I just got a lecture from your coked out sister about the monetary value of Dothraki hair braids. Take her home.
You hear the wildest shit in a Walmart bathroom.
Randomize
