Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
oh right, i forgot that not everyone has a go-to blowjob
If i see another girl turn you down you should either turn gay or just kill yourself
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
normally i wouldnt have blown him but he was on dawsons creek.. i love dawsons creek.
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
When she tells her friend, "hey I'll be back tomorrow, just going to fuck a guy", right in front of you, you know you've got a winner.
How's everyone else's ass tattoo today?
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
Randomize
