I prefer the term 'tenderly watching'
such a stalker...
she wanted to love me. she just didn't know it yet.
I hope to God it wasnt poon. That odor was unnatural, it was satanic pussy.
You'll be the first to get a "it's herpes simplex 1" cigar.
Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
I deem her datable let the dance of attraction commence
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
Just to update you. I am dead. So your probably gonna have to find a new roommate
He crawled outside into the bushes to throw up. He's just laying there now but he says he'll be ready to come home if we just give him five
Guess who was PASSED OUT ON A BMW. I shit you not
Stop it right now
This time face forward
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
Hurry I'm alone dressed like a prostitute eating French fries.
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