Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
I need the number of a restaurant that delivers, has lock-picking abilities, and is okay with full frontal male nudity. Entirely too hungover to get out of bed.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
I climaxed at the same time the bass dropped. I think it's safe to say I've reached enlightenment
Hey sorry for calling you so much last night. I mixed your number with the pizza guys, and he was running late
I said no to friends with benefits because it was too much commitment
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
You walked in with a bag of weed and asked for a watermelon. For some reason they actually gave you one, and you made it into a perfectly working bong. Two of them offered their girlfriends to you for the night.
Randomize
