i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The slutty girl scout law, revised for halloween 10: on my honor i will try, to serve my vagina and my shot glass. To hold back friends hair at all voming moments and to live by the sluttly girl scout law.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Hey, did you take me to hospital last night?
You're the only person that can successfully use titties and Jesus in the same sentence.
I'm on a mission. But just to make out with him so his relationship collapses and he is single when I come back in April.
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
You tried to sit down... There was a distinct lack of couch.
You were so proud of your stupid "magic trick" but all you did was piss on the couch. don't talk to me for a few days.
Just woke up in my fuck buddies bed with, from the looks of her ass and side boob, a girl that is not my fuck buddy. This should be interesting
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
I can't masturbate without laughing really hard at some point and it's entirely your fault.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Randomize