I have a feeling that after last night, i'm not just going to hell. i'm going to hell on a full scholarship. free admission bitches
No matter how drunk I am, I will take the time to wipe a pube off the toilet seat.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
I just made this asian woman on the boardwalk that was giving 20 dollar massages upset after I asked her if a happy ending comes with it.
i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
Dude they are all farmers and I'm pretty sure there's a prostitute here.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
The worst part about getting "creative" and by that i mean baked is that i just wanna get laid right now and all im doing is eating nachos
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
My phone has started autocorrecting "monogamy" to "monogamish"
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
