I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
I think im in love with that girl with the googlie eyes last night. She was looking in my eyes and at my dick at the same time. we are going out again tonight.
I hate the hobo that sits outside our building
Joe or Chris?
do i even wanna kno y u kno their names?
well i came home drunk one night and Chris offered me a beer as i was coming in, it was kinda weird but i wasn't goin to deny a free beer. you're proolly talkin about Joe though, he's the one with the fucked up eye.
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
I spent half an hours grinding with a drunk Harry Potter cosplayer at the con rave. Pretty sure I felt his wand.
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
I don't even care that it's before church. I feel like God actually wants me to have this shower beer.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
She looked like a cross between Jesus and John Lennon. So I fucked her. I feel majestic and powerful.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
What’s the best way to find out if he’s into anal?
I think you have the wrong number, but good luck with that
Just find a separated / divorcing man. They’re too upset to fall in love, too helpless to be alone and too horny to think straight. Smile at him the right way and he’ll be thrilled to be with a sexy younger woman!
Randomize
