Learn some fucking English or leave me alone! "Your" is for something that belongs to you, like 'your herpes'. And "you're" is a contraction for "you are", like "you're not sleeping with me".
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
you think she would figure it out that ever dude that fucks her is just doing it bc they are in a contest to bang the fattest girl
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
THIS NIGHT WILL NOT GO DICKLESS
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Judging by his bulge. This guy is going home with me. Who doesn't want a dick that looks like it used to be a pillar in Rome.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
No I didn't say it was safe, I said it was legal. I didn't say anything about it being safe. It's not my fault if you weren't listening properly.
Randomize
