hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
I havnt had this much beer since i losodt my virginity. thank. god.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
ALERT: Turns out when I'm drunk I turn into a clepto. I just found keys, a ketchup bottle, and sweatshirt in my backpack that don't belong to me. If yours, come collect from me. I'm still drunk in the back of biology lecture.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
You know what I realized today? That my biggest regret of freshman year was ditching you and that foam party to have a one night stand with a skinny jean wearing vocal major.
I am concerned for your priorities but also really flattered. Flattery wins
I was told that I need a reference for my blow job skills. Be expecting a phone call tomorrow.
I want to eat a stick of butter
Did your pain meds kick in?
It tastes nice
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I figure blowing aggressively into a harmonica is better than screaming, "GET THE FUCK AWAY FROM ME YOU SOCIOPATHIC SUCCUBUS" to my sister, in the middle of an auditorium, during my mothers college graduation ceremony.
Afterwards he face timed like four of his friends screaming he banged the hot intern.
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
Sooooooooooooo you woke up on a rooftop. Classy
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