What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
Just printed out my Plan B coupon at the library. Saving my own printer ink and paper as well as 10 dollars towards not being knocked up.
Come downstairs. Moms serving wine for breakfast again.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
just start off by saying "hey, i cockblocked my friend last night and need to make it up to him, could you help?"
Do you remember using the vicegrip to demonstrate how wide your penis is?
I'm so happy I'm only on my second drink. That would have been the best idea ever if I was on my fifth.
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I mean seriously with your cock and my tits combined we could rule the world. Pinky and the brain style
Hey do you remember me?
You were a giant banana.... how could I forget.
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
like sometimes I wish I was allergic to latex so I wouldn't have sex with so many people..
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
