Quick, to the slutcave!
You tipped the bathroom lady $20 and then yelled "IT'S YOUR LUCKY DAAAAAAAY" at her.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I got shot at last night. Lesson about married chicks: learned.
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
Oh my god.. Saw a commercial for Captain Morgan. Made me gag a little bit.
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
Randomize
