he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
my brother is so whacked out on percocet from hurting his legs that he started crying because his belly button was so cute
BEES IN MY FUCKING PANTS. HELP.
Even tho I saw his penis. He is still a really nice guy.
Maybe someone other than the mad hatter should have gone with him to the ER
I'm honestly too sad to drink and hang out with strippers. This breakup sucks.
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
He rubbed aloe on my sunburn while I blew him... could he be anymore perfect?
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Just ate Panda Express. Fortune cookie had no fortune in it. I actually prefer this. Less broken dream potential.
Is it weird that I'm smoking a cig on my back patio in a sports bra and underwear?
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
We have massive handle of kettle and a rack of hi life
That's the happiest ive ever been at 7:48 am....
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