Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
I'm so ready for finals. She finally agreed to skypesex me from spain so now i'm up until 4am studying every morning waiting for her to get online
when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
They only knew me as the lesbian that passed out in a bathtub. That's not what you call friendship.
Just made a Xanax and ginger ale smoothie. Oh Thursday you are good to me..
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
I woke up surrounded by goldfish. Thank God my laptop was here too. Now I don't have to leave my bed all day.
It was weird, because he kept shaking his head like he was motorboating me...but on my vagina.
What is your life?
A tangled mess of finals and bad decisions.
Vodka and Jamison is not a mixed drink
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
His face matches his life choices. Both are train wrecks.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
Randomize
