My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I DID IT WITH MY SOCKS ON!
I have way too many pictures of poop on my phone
Well I don't think you could recreate that hangover if you tried. It was like the perfect storm of hangovers.
I'm trapped in whichever ring of hell is populated by inbred yokels and type 2 diabetes.
It was scary, we all screamed. Never make mimosas in a car.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Dude you asked your tattoo if it wanted to go swimming
My roommate walked in naked grabbed my hand and pulled me into her room to see her randoms dick.
im mad at you for telling me he ejaculated during "let it go." Thanks for ruining the song forever.
You know you're gay when you have to have your coworkers explain to you why your bracket is terrible
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
she was just meowing in the corner eating frozen chicken nuggets
Randomize
