Shes cool when Im fuckin smashed.....Sober.....She suuuuuuuuuuucks
Just don't lie down.. Throwing up upwards is NOT cute the second time.
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
I don't think I have ever puked up that much free breakfast in my life...thank god for Nickle Beers.
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He chipped a tooth on the first beer. You know the night is just going to be a slushy mess after that.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
I woke up like how did I get here this blanket is nice but it was just the curtain
you don't even have a vagina so you don't get to tell me what to put in mine
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
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