best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
Guy next to me at the plasma center is high and watching porn on his itouch. I am wayy to hung over for this level of poor.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
Just suggested things for my dad to get my mom for Christmas in terms of "yeah you'll get laid."
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
Also I climbed atop a mailbox with a toilet paper hat and a wolverine claw made of glowsticks, screaming at passers-by that they were going to die. Control me
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
I am disappointed by everyone's lack of ability to dance on a stripper pole:(
I had a really bad dream about us drinking this weekend. Remind me to tell you Friday when we start drinking
I think I've been there, but who knows? I drink a lot
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
How I know that I'm single: when I get a save the date for a wedding & I read "& guest" my first thought was does my bottle of Jack Daniels count.
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