What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
Me. At least after what I've been through.
The guy i fucked last week got done first on the test in my 900 person class. If im pregnant at least it will be smart.
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
My night sucks. It's really hard to masturbate with a broken finger.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Looks like a significant portion of my drinking money just became legal fees.
nothing like a cross blunt to celebrate the birth of our savior
I'll be on pinterest all night planning crafty things to do with my cats in 10 years.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just saw a kid on iowa campus story that looked like the guy i made out with on spring break.
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
Can I make sure all my sluttiness goes to you when I die? You're the only person I know who'll make use of it
GOD DAMN IT I COULD HAVE HAD A MOTHERFUCKING 3 WAY LAST NIGHT. WHY BOOZE, WHY?!
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