i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
I'm upset that MJ died and all but waking up to his face on my HDTV in the middle of the night while half-asleep is pretty much the scariest fucking thing ever.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
No sex in the champagne room. The champagne room being my life
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
When you're high, you dance like an injured velociraptor.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
He just peed in the cab. I repeat..IN.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
twas supposed to be night one of rebound break but it was night one of get sloppy drunk and dance half naked in an ice shack
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
