we need blinds so i can safely watch porn during the day
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Is it standard protocol to defriend someone after they give you chlamydia?
He was in a gay KY jelly commercial. Jew male model. Reasons not to sleep with him. Go.
He made fire alarm noises before throwing up all over the street.
he keeps trying to sext me and all I can do is respond with descriptions of what im eating.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
So stoned i forgot i was in bed
SORRY BITCH CAN'T, TAKING SHOTS TO WHITNEY HOUSTON.
there's a drunk hobo under the bridge wearing a jester hat and screaming at women
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
Randomize
