I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
I knew the only reason I bought a smartphone was to play "You're Havin My Baby" on the way to cvs to buy Plan B.
he was gone before i woke up. left a pee stain, phone number, note and $20 for sheets. safe to say i will not be calling.
I need a picture of your dick for my friends birthday card
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Beer acquired. Food is cooking
Wow, you are almost sliding into home plate for some stellar fellatio
That girl definitely just ate a hot dog and stared straight in to my eyes.
He showed me his scar from his appendix surgery. It was educational and fun....
WHEN JENDA BENDA THE DRAG QUEEN TELLS YOU TO RUN, YOU RUN, BITCH!!!
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
He motorboated me, gave me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, then disappeared into the night.
Find him and marry him.
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
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