do you remember what downloading porn with a 14k modem was like?
I want you to know that wearing office supplies as jewelry results in waking up with the wrong roommate. Also, strip clubs and vodka don't mix.
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
why did I try to FaceTime with 311 last night?
Nothing like buying a handle and a 36 pack with a baby strapped on.
What was the point of renting a $600 trolley if no one even remembers going to the first bar?
The only math I use in every day life is figuring out how much I can spend on alcohol and still have money to pay my bills. High school lied to us.
In that state of mind I managed to bounce back from getting hit by a golf cart and convince an investigations officer that I was okay to go into the game.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
We couldnt find you anywhere and when you finally answered your phone all you said was "im safe"
I'm sorry for chipping my tooth on your vagina last night :(
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
Randomize
