Hulk Hogan has now convinced 2 women to marry him & I have yet to have a successful or healthy relationship. I am officially depressed.
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
Best. Handjob. Ever.
I'm guessing Kelly is over?
Nope. Home alone.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
Listen. I don't care if its "nontoxic" im not putting it in my fucking vagina.
All i remember about last night is holding a bottle of bacardi and screaming challenge accepted!
He picked up a chick with a line about the price of used cars in Sri Lanka and developing economies. Step it up.
Oh I love our desires, it's riding my bike at 2 AM with a massive erection that I dislike.
He keeps telling me he's gonna get me dope for my birthday. 1. HELP ME. 2. HOW IS THAT AN ACCEPTABLE BIRTHDAY PRESENT. Also, please HELP ME.
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
P.s. I loved that your balls smelled like coconut
Can we just talk about the fact that the last time I got laid I was wearing a Jurassic Park tshirt?
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
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