I was in the bathroom and her cat just looked at my penis with a profound hatred.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
at russian wedding, no open bar. bottles of vodka at table. getting to work tomorrow may be an issue.
Gay TA. Finally going to boost my GPA your way.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
Make sure you have everything youll need until sunday. aka a green shirt and condoms.
I'm sorry for biting your husband's ass last night.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Asking me to suck on my nipples isn't going to make me less mad at you.
Is it okay that we fucked on my car hood, in his driveway, at 4 am with cars passing by ?
You went into the bathroom, got in the tub with a pillow, yelled "this isn't as comfortable as it looks in the movies" then passed out
Randomize
