Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
Just took my morning after pill in the library
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
my hot student got the clitoris wrong on the lab practical...so it kinda makes me not want to pursue it
just because he can't find it on a cat, doesn't mean he can't find it on you
Just whacked off in the middle of writing a paper, gave me great ideas. Note, should do this more often.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
Mystery solved: The table is broken because I had sex on it last night.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
Fun thought: I realized the thing I miss most about him is dixie kong's double trouble on his super Nintendo. It's possible that I don't have a soul.
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
i just want to die with dignity and clean teeth, is that too much to ask?
I am eating a fluff-a-nutter sandwich at the gym right now. I brought vodka too.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
I've struck affair-gold. He's hot, he's ripped, he doesn't want a relationship, and most importantly he won't have to ask Gods permission to bang me like the last religious nut job did.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize