THE most awkward situation I have EVER been in
Also, I just threw up a little in my mouth and had to act like everything was totally fine.
i wish starbucks made bloody marys
We just took the batteries out of the fire alarm to play the breathalyzer game. I love college.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
I just threw out a whole Christmas ham, 12 positive pregnancy tests, 3 empty vodka bottles and by ex boyfriends Latina porn collection in the same garbage bag. The homeless person who goes through the bins tonight knows I have nothing left to loose.
I gave him head in my cape. On the kitchen floor. Watching a show about bacon.
the last thing i remember was the norwegian kid tacking a bag of wine to the ceiling, then boom! shower drain.
I don't think you understand what laundry day means. I am wearing a swimsuit as underwear and my spanish club tshirt from junior high
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
He had a drawn-on fu manchu and now my vagina has one too.
In local news "Man Stabbed With Golf Club" next person who tells me this is a safe place to live gets punched...
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I don’t know whether to call out sick or call in drunk
Randomize
