FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
omfg. get on facebook. the science olympiad team had a rave.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
just found out they live across the street from coke dealers... rethinking the new years resolution
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
alright. I just need to set some ground rules, no lighting me on fire, and no broken bones. fair?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
If I come in tomorrow with a cane and a seeing eye dog it's because I just mixed up my salicylic acid acne stuff with my eye makeup remover
He won a jackpot and invited his ex girlfriend over to have sex on 5grand
I'm at that point in my life where keeping an extra pair of underwear in my purse is normal.
There was one thing about my NYC trip I forgot to tell you: I took a dump in Trump Tower
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
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