girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
my mom said i couldn't bring cigarettes cause it was a family trip, which was really irresponsible of her because now i have to walk around the beach drunk trying to find someone with cigarettes.
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
That sucks about the drama. But hey, it's always a good day when you see someone get tazed!
We should start a Help That Bitch Out Fund and split the donations evenly between you two.
I just saw a black chick with an eyepatch. This is a once in a lifetime opportunity.
So I went to daintily fall onto my bed like I was in a hotel commercial and I completely missed my matress and landed on my floor. Just thought u should know.
You know what's awkward? Being with your girlfriend and seeing her ex-boyfriend that she left for you while you've got a Ron Burgundy level awkward boner.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I told you about the baby at the graduation party that looked into my eyes and knew I was empty inside
Just remembered sticking my head out the window as i drove us to walmart and yelling that i was a golden retriever.
Also, sorry for verbally assaulting you when you asked if you could dump the bowl.
Fuuuuuck dude, he’s got #Excel in his Facebook bio; I’m screaming
I’ve slept with a Senior, a Freshman and a Junior so far. I’m a Sophomore away from hitting for the cycle
Randomize
