I just saw a hobo shake a payphone until it spat out a bunch of quarters. what a champ.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
a girl just showed up to class in a zip up hoddie and sweat pants. said she over slept. i guess she got hot and unzipped it , it was only then she realized was sleeping without a shirt or bra.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
i think every time you texted me i responded with 'bathroom floor'
They wouldn't let me go to sleep at the police station while I was waiting to bail u out. YOU OWE ME
Haha that's why you never name the penis. Its like a pet, once named you will most likely get attached.
she scratched her sororities letters into my back when she was done. i think i was part of some sick game. sick twisted sexy game
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
Uhh... I think I meant "Be proud, I'm taking shots before my public speaking test." "Coffee and vodka is not good" and "Also, I'm giving blood drunk."
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
It's days like today that make me happy I'm not a porn star.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
