I'm like a warm blanket that has sex with you
Changed my mind. Wearing a dress. Casual, with a side of breasts.
I don't remember anything but yelling at the ref in Spanish.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
6 pack came off in the shower. Sharpie is not forever.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I want to have sex with Will Smith. I guess I have a thing with 90s sitcom stars. Stamos, Joey Lawrence, John Goodman.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
well my apartment and my life are still a disaster but I did clean off my desk so that's gotta count for something...
We are taking a shrt nap on the sidewalk cme fine me if you want but dont wake me up
sometimes i like to lay one the floor and pretend im a carrot.
Just went to Meijer. Purchased furnace filters, fishing line, red lipstick and pregnancy test. And if my purchase alone wasn't classy enough, I took the pregnancy test in the Meijer bathroom because Im on my way to the bar and wanted to know if that was a good idea or not. Cheers to no babies!
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