I'm at the bar and they've turned up lady gaga to cover the sound of the fire alarm.
She's the barista slut.
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
Because guys aren't supposed to cry. Especially when it's over a dude singing a Christmas carol.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
You were asking her how her mother would feel if y'all dated, etc. And I was yelling at you your girlfriends name over and over again in between gags and sobs.
So my quick shower turned into a "lay in the shower and let the hot water reign over you because you are too hungover to wash your hair" shower. I'll be there closer to 1:30!
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
I'm slowly starting to accept that you have to be a sociopath to be attracted to me
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
Are you rolling a joint while doing homework?
No, I am rolling a joint with my homework.
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