My breakfast consisted of a slimfast and an adderal. My fridge is like an insecurity buffet.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Omg i either met the gayest dude ever or my next boyfriend
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I just saw a van full of amish parents and their kids. Those cheating mother fuckers!
I honestly don't know what my boundaries are, but shitting on me is crossing them.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
I had to convince someone last night that the fact that he couldn't get me off wasn't him it was me and to clarify I had to tell him there was only. One person that got me off every time without fail, he said "that guy is my hero" you should be proud
We're the worst. Two people without their shit together do not make a functional adult.
i got pulled over completely sober but looking like death. dick cop made me do a field sobriety test. he also said "no sober person could have 7 BK bags"
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Had a dream last night where I asked you how your Christmas was and your response was, “sex, man. Just lots and lots of sex.”
Good god. A spell so dry your friends actually commit it to their subconscious!
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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