My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
I wish I could attach your penis to someone I like more than you.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
He did plead exhaustion. And I made him push through it. I am like the motherfucking badass football coach of sex.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
Just got hit on by a middle-aged puerto-rican clown who told me that it would be bad to date someone who offers to buy me coffee and makes something of themselves. I love the NY subway.
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
Well for better or worse the home brew is almost done, want to get drunk/loose your sight tonight?
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
well he said my boobs made him believe in love at first sight so that's cool
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
