drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
I've hooked up with three guys in my accounting class. I'm beginning to think my teacher failed me so I can start getting laid again.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Yo I found your batman costume.... It was in my pool with a shitload of beer cans
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
Why didn't you tell me I was calling her by her sisters name all night?
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
You can't hold me to anything I said last night; I was drunk on orgasms.
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