HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
It must have been true love
I don't call true love eating a bag of doritos and then going down on each other
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
things I have learned from cosmo today- 40% of guys are uncircumsized, you can have a beer facial, and i really need to get tested for std's
you might as well be a hobo. you were covered in pee last night hanging out on the stairs drunk.
right. well we all have our lows.
If you wondered to yourself today, "did Sarah break her bathing suit strap and flash a pool full of children," the answer is yes.
He woke me up at 5am to recite nursery rhymes to our fictitious unborn child.
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
It felt like I was on painkillers mixed with Molly mixed with the sinking feeling I'll die alone. 10/10 doing again.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
He went down on me for like 30 min and honestly half the time I thought about those videos where people can smash watermelons with their legs and I just wanted to do that to his skull
Randomize
