Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
weed, chlorine, and victory. my bed smells like i had sex with michael phelps.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
i had to get the starbucks manager to open the bathroom door for me...you passed out on the floor, the things i do for you
At least I know she didn't hear me crawl to my room. Or did I walk on my hands? Fuck if I know.
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
2048oz a keg...divide that by solo cup... comes out to 128 beers...simplifies into 5.3repeating cases...drinkable between two people
and u failed math?
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
And the night ended with some random dude pissing on a car in a vain attempt to find a proper bathroom. We, the drunk, salute you, sir!
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
Randomize
