i'm signing you up for texting rehab
had another sex dream about alec baldwin...
As per my father's affair, married men are no longer off limits.
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
Like I want to yell at him for pissing on my floor but there's still a chance its my pee....
Do not ever get that redhead chem major high. Gave her a magic brownie and she sat in a corner and literally cried about organic chem. Never again.
Speaking of which.. there's underwear in my backseat and Arby's cheese sauce on my door handle. So much for my new Volvo bringing out my classy side.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
i just cleaned my bong... I do not feel healthy
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