just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Nothing says true friendship like 2 people bonding over potentially having AIDS.
Apparently i just threw up in the bathroom, i told them i just blew my nose. i don't think they believe me...
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
I cannot even. Taco bell reception. Beers. New friends from Georgia.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
Sean getting laid is an anomaly, Sean banging the hottest single girl at the wedding is a fucking unicorn being ridden by a leprechaun walking through mordor.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
You were definitely drunk. You gave him an otphj in front of everyone.
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
Breaking news: when you're gone every towel is a dick towel
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
It's official. I have spent more money on weed than on textbooks this semester.
Randomize
