you alive?
ya, the episode of maury where people are afraid of things are on, i had to keep livin
Just saw a guy at the gas station legitimately dressed in exactly what my costume was last night. Fuck his life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
Convinced the domino's pizza delivery person to go to shaws and buy me a bottle of wild turkey. For america.
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I feel like this has turned into my work. But if I get paid sitting under a desk, that's perfectly fine with me.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
This is the Santa Claus of hangovers. It just keeps giving.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
how did you set a fucking salad on fire????????
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
Randomize
