reaaaally cool. my cat ate my birth control.
There were gay boys and a jukebox. It was like god wanted me to.
As i was blowing him Silent Night came on his iTunes. I said "it isn't christmas" and he moans "yeah it is."
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
He's gotta be able to drive a truck, make me mac n cheese and give me the best orgasms. That's my perfect man
I just windexed my mirror headboard, Lets get to work.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
No apologies necessary. Just give me sex and Pop Tarts, and we'll call it even.
being serenaded is actually kind of awkward 2/10 do not reccommend
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
The doctor basically called me a dirty dick.
So apparently last night while I was drunk I read him erotic fanfiction while he was eating me out. He stopped every now and then to give me feedback.
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize