why didn't you poke me back
I woke up this morning and thought "Im sure I've seen this house in a porno" and instantly googlemapped myself
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
He showed me one of his balls and said "this one's free. you'll have to work to see the other.."
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
I had very briefly met him a few years ago. My friend was tired of hearing us both complain about being horny. She figured she would fuck two birds with one stone.
In the last 3 months, I've slept with an ex,someone single, someone in a relationship, someone married, and someone divorced. I should get some type of grown up girl scouts badge.
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Thank you for the legal advice. I hope I can pay you in blow jobs.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I just found one of your beard hairs in my oatmeal.
My hands smell like vagina and ham.
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