Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
I'm pretty sure "Like A Prayer" will forever remind me of drunk nights & pants down around the ankles
I do regret it. But I can't unfuck her
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
woke up with ski boots on and a kayak in my room... birthday successful? i'd say so
I'm like a wolly mammoth down there. what do I tell him?
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
I got the number from the girl at uhaul even after she saw me throw up all over the parking lot with a 6 pack in my hands.
Just listened to a full Christian rock song, loved it,listened to the dj send a prayer to a 4th grader who was having a tough year and realized I'm high as fuk
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
My New Years resolution is actually to be MORE petty
Had sex outside for the third time last night. Mosquito bites all over my ass, and i think i have a rash on my nipples. When will i learn.
Just wait till winter
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
Randomize
