hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
That would explain his violent outburst while watching barefoot contessa...
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
just letting you know, you took a hit of the blunt while sleeping. happy birthday
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
She had sex in a public bathroom and slept on a couch in the dorm lobby. It's only Monday
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
I greatly enjoy being related to her. Even if is it only by a penis.
Bringing families together since 1987
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
The thing about online classes is the prof can't tell this mug is full of beer.
Randomize
