So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
In all fairness I did warn the guy I just spray tanned before we had sex so I hold no responsibility for the bronzer all over his sheets
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
Why is there a school picture of an 8 year old boy in my pocket...?
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
You just managed to turn Doctor Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
I ended up in th ER yelling my height weight and age
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I only gave you one rule about using the beach house: don’t get cum on anything!
You’ve seen my tits! You had to know that rule was unrealistic! Does it help that he was really cute?
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