I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
worst night to have a conscience
Hey guess what I got for Valentine's day? Debt and blue balls.
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
He posted a picture of my bra on facebook with the caption "I don't know who I hooked up with last night but if this is yours please come pick it up".
I went back up to the apartment to get her phone and when I came back she was peeing on the sidewalk
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
I'll come hang out with you guys later, but right now my parents aren't home and I have to take full advantage of being able to watch porn on full blast.
As I came the Sportcenter app played that "dah nuh nuh" chime. Top ten life highlight?
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
If you really hate him do what I do: give him an amazing night of unforgettable sex then dump him. You’ll ruin sex for him because new girls won’t compare
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