I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
ppl dont tell me stories about anal. apparently im not a tell-me-stories-about-anal kind of person
if i dont get laid while im dressed as Tim Tebow, i'm just staying true to the costume.
Oh, and for future reference, telling a guy that your ass is too tight for anal is like painting a bullseye on it.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
i just unblacked out cuddled in a pita pit booth with ten dollars rubberbanded to my hand.
Made a vodka juice box out of a ziploc bag and a straw for when I drive. Doesn't count as an open beverage container anymore.
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
He professed his love for me while I danced on a picnic table with a bottle of Absolut. I said thank you and walked away.
Looking through my moms phone and find a pic if a dick. Scarred for life.
If I get a 4.0 I am doing SO much cocaine.
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Like if Ohio doesn't think I can get smashed on wine I will gladly prove them wrong
Came home to butt plugs and dildos in the bathroom sink WTF
Spring cleaning
when she didn't finish her burrito you wanted to call the cops because you said it was neglect
Randomize
