i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
By the way, playing "guess who I had sex with last night" was a great way to start a Thursday, or any day
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
I remember him going "OH SHIT" when he saw you straddling me on the table. And it was like the best feeling ever.
Random pof guy just messaged me initiating a Pokemon battle. Want to be a bridesmaid?
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
WHO GIVES HANDJOBS AT 8 IN THE FUCKING MORNING
I think my liver has finally had enough and is going all Ashley-Judd-in-a-Lifetime-movie on me.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
Someone drank my pedialite!
YOU drank your pedialite. I watched you chase shots with it!
Ugh I realized he only responds to my snaps when I’m eating a popsicle
Why are male brains so small?
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
