You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
If there was chocolate on Regis Philban's dick, I would totally lick it off. That's how desperate I am for some right now.
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I keep confusing the name of her and her dog. Both are appropriate.
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
I was talking about you wanting my dick, but that works too
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
How do I tell your little brother I lost my virginity wearing nothing but his socks?
Formal letter or email.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Fuck. What bets did I make about "yeah when the Cubs win the World Series" that I gotta reneg on????
Anyone who can sit 4 hours in a doobie circle with their feet in a kiddie pool is ok by me
Interlocking vagina powers go!!'
Oh god, your drunk again aren't you?
Randomize
