I'm surprised I didn't puke tonight
Looks like I will be paying for the roofie I slipped myself in 9 months.
if they reproduce, their children will be the worst quarters players ever
This dude was wearing a "Plan B- One Step" backpack. I wonder how many more I have to buy until I get mine??
Suuuuuuper drunk and just sang fuck her gently to the chiminea. I'm in bad shape.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
All together there was 318 cigarette butts in the pool... And my microwave.
The hookup that almost was... Both partys too drunk to migrate to the other.... the universe has won this one.
So I just went to 3 different stores because there is no way I can walk out of one store with this many reeses and still have my pride.
OMG CHARGE YOUR PHONE I NEED TO KNOW IF THIS IS A GOOD PICTURE OF MY ASS
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
I just dropped a condom on the floor at costco in front of my girlfriend and her husband. Today is not going to go well.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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