If you were a Panda and I were a Koala and we had a baby, it'd be a falafel. Just think about that.
What happened last night?
You soiled yourself again and told everybody that you'd given birth.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I'll listen to your side of the story when you stop being such a whore.
Just lit a joint with steel wool and a 9 volt battery... thank you 3rd grade science class
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
I really wish I had added "blowjob on a slide at a playground" to my bucket list before last night.
He lasted about 30 seconds then said you can't win them all. But then he made me pancakes so it's okay. We shall call him mancakes.
Just so you know, your wedding is in the same place I gave my first bj.
I am the girl who goes to bed with her make-up on so that she doesn't have to fully redo it in the morning. I am obviously not ready to be a mother.
How does that even work?
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
Don't worry, I'm taking the best gay radar in the World, my sister's boobs. All guy who is not looking at them, it's fair play for us.
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I would just like to say that I was the one who said that we should find scissors, when they were cutting your hair with a kitchen knife. I am responsible.
I still feel bad for it, even though I technically only videotaped it and helped will to distract the questioning neighbor
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