He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
Struggs. It's also 90 degrees out but I'm not sure I can feel heat or cold any more. Too hungover.
If I die, I leave all my liquor in my apartment to you. Be a drunk bitch at my funeral. I wouldn't want it any other way.
With your fertility you would just get contact pregnant
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
IM DRINK YORE HIFH WE ARE POSTERCHOLD OF AMERICA
If by "Are you drunk?" you mean "Did you just faceplant in the checkout line at Target?" the answer is yes.
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
i need some magic done to my vagina
Who loses their virginity to fucking Flo Rida
I accidentally gave my prayer card to the bouncer. Clearly a cry for help #saveme
There's a dude wearing a banana suit at the house across the street....
...hi
YOU SHOULD BE ASHAMED OF YOURSELF
Ok cool I was afraid you'd never speak to me again. I can work with this.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
