I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
Do you like marathons because that's how long I plan on fucking you.
do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
I wish there was a "friends who have gained the most weight since high school" filter on facebook for when I am feeling fat.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
It looks like sephora exploded on his dick, so i assumed I was the second girl that gave him head that night.
We are planning a drunk snapchat treasure hunt for tomorrow, and the treasure is his penis, this is a game I'm not willing to loose.
Looked like a bag of smashed assholes and smelt like a brewery - still got morning sex. Marriage rules sometimes!
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
my talents include tricking people into giving me money and free drugs
Every time I'm hungover I just want to watch Harry Potter and cry.
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
My ex just brought my grandpa weed. Not sure how I feel about this.
its Niagara falls. its like international waters. You can get away with anything there
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