just threw up while drinking by myself. This is all your fault. You here = a good night, You not here = alcoholism
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
hahaha he is wasted in math class right now and is drawing all the planets in order from the sun
I feel like today should be a " im going to have sex with you cause its raining and theres nothing else to do" kinda day
in my drunkeness I still was able to plan for the morning. I duck taped my keys, a water bottle full of mimosa and my cell phone to the front door.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
Seriously! We need to take her a thank you note or something. She puts up with the drugs and the extremely loud sex. She deserves a thank you card.
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
If anything I look like a soccor mom going out for her annual ladies night. Trying hard, but not quite in her twenty's anymore.
I just watched will sing pure imagination from willy wonka and then blow a banana
It’s 830 am and the amount of Valentine’s Day snaps I’ve already seen makes me either want to vom, drink a bottle of wine, or buy chocolate
1000% No lie I was just looking on insta and was thinking about taking a bottle of wine to the face..
He gave us beer and shots and made us pizza in his brick oven before firing a handgun into the air to signal it was time to give us a ride in his inflatable raft to the bars.
He's like a mythological figure
This pandemic, it’s making everyone horny. I’ve got dick stashed all over town
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