She's mad at me cuz I told her having a fuck buddy was too much commitment.
just used a caramelizing gun to spark a bowl, i don't think today could get much better than this.
You are the patron saint of my drinking problem.
shes a baton twirler.. i expected her to be better with her hands.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I stole so many things from the ER last night.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Facebook is for cat videos and having better lives than people from high school, period.
...I just melted into my bed. I am one with the bed. I am 600 thread count.
Either it didn’t do much damage or I’ve lost all feeling in my asshole
you said you didn't feel like drinking anymore so you mixed vodka with your applesauce and ate it
There's wax on my nightstand, my sheets look like Christmas, and my vagina feels like it got into a fight. All signs of a good night
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