If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
You were so drunk that you were trying to take pictures of a MILF at the park so you could send them to Adam, but you didn't want to "seem creepy," so you used taking pictures of her son as a cover. Needless to say, cops were called.
YouTube is recomending me a video on how to make a home made meth bong, what has my life come to?
i wish i could shrink down to the size of his dick so i could just thank it in person.
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Just filled the brita up in the bathtub because we couldn't get it into the sink.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
I can't wait till they start promoting the testiciplasty. Turn those old prunes into fresh tight kiwis!
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
I woke up naked in her room. More precisely, I woke up naked in her room with her and her sister laughing at my penis. I hate my life.
You are talking to me during sexting hours. Be careful, innuendos are taken seriously
gave up morals for lent, so far it's actually been really easy.
I need advice on ways to politely say “fuck you on your way to hell”.
Randomize