I cant go down on him yet. All ive had to eat is olives and percocet. semen would only add to tomorow mornings discomfort.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
I do not want to do anything. The words more tequila need to be erased from my vocabulary
Apparently I was pointing at birds and yelling "YOU USED TO BE A DINOSAUR!!!"
I think I've officially made out with the entire starbucks staff.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
A lot of things don't look good... It doesn't look good for a lifeguard to be smoking a cig and drinking from a conspicuous cup... But hey I'm doin it
i keep replaying things i did last night. and remembering new things. and its a constant cycle of torture
Apparently calling shotgun while getting put into a police car is frowned upon
Honestly I really just want to do you in the mail truck. Thought about it a lot today
In the event that Ian's ex wife asks you, tell her I'm sweet snd innocent. No reason.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
I’m appalled by how severely I lower my standards when I’m horny & impaired
Randomize
