Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
it's a shame restraining orders have to come between me and my relationships
we just toasted to your mouth on alex's balls at the bar
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Just found out Brianna Frost the Pornstar goes to my school. Makes that $35,000 tuition that more valuable.
just credit carded her and her mom at the same time... that drunk. get on my level
Then he complimented me on how excellent I was at breathing through my nose
my knee is completely bruised from kneesliding into the bowling ball. bowling for creativity points was a win
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
Named all the presidents in order between puke sessions while semi conscious so that's a thing I can do now
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Why does my nose taste spicy?
How do you know what your nose tastes like?
THERE HAS BEEN GRANDTHEFT IN THE HOUSE. SOMEONE STOLE THE BABYWIPES AND YOU NEED TO BUY MORE BEFORE WE LET YOU IN. oh and you have to take two shots before we'll let you in. with no chaser.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
